New MOOD by Onnit

When I woke up I realized I was being tea bagged by the stench

  • Permalink teabag I had sex with a dude I met on match.com and we both fell asleep after. Around 3 am I felt this weird tickling sensation on my forehead and this strange musty smell. Well the dude was rubbing his nut sack on my forehead while I was asleep and I kind of just lost it and pushed him off of me. I gathered up my stuff and just high tailed it out of his place. Never had that happen before and it creeped me the F out! Why do so many dudes have the CREEP IN THEM?!! Any guy on a dating site has some kind of mental illness. Dr.S ">Gallery

    When I woke up I realized I was being tea bagged by the stench

I had sex with a dude I met on match.com and we both fell asleep after. Around 3 am I felt this weird tickling sensation on my forehead and this strange musty smell. Well the dude was rubbing his nut sack on my forehead while I was asleep and I kind of just lost it and pushed him off of me. I gathered up my stuff and just high tailed it out of his place. Never had that happen before and it creeped me the F out! Why do so many dudes have the CREEP IN THEM?!!

Any guy on a dating site has some kind of mental illness. Dr.S

What should I be for Halloween this year?

  • Permalink ray L-333x640 Any ideas what I should be for Halloween this year? I want my costume to get me laid so I don't know who to be. I don't think being Ray Lewis will allow me to stick in a hot chick but that's just my opinion. Last year I dressed up as Dave Chapelle and was able to plow some bigger girl which I'm not proud of. So what should I be stinkstah? Be yourself because that's all that matters anymore. Dr.S">Gallery

    What should I be for Halloween this year?

Any ideas what I should be for Halloween this year? I want my costume to get me laid so I don’t know who to be. I don’t think being Ray Lewis will allow me to stick in a hot chick but that’s just my opinion. Last year I dressed up as Dave Chapelle and was able to plow some bigger girl which I’m not proud of. So what should I be stinkstah?

Be yourself because that’s all that matters anymore. Dr.S

Bullying will only stop when the earth stops spinning

  • Permalink screenshot-480x204 Dr.S I don't know if you are a bully or not. Kind of trying to figure it out still but keep doing what you are doing. I'm so sick of seeing these anti bullying campaigns. Bullying will be around as long as kids are kids these days and will only stop when the earth stops spinning on its axis. Check out this mom's message on craigslist. Had me laughing for a long time!! This world is demented and everyone knows it. Dr.S">Gallery

    Bullying will only stop when the earth stops spinning

Dr.S I don’t know if you are a bully or not. Kind of trying to figure it out still but keep doing what you are doing. I’m so sick of seeing these anti bullying campaigns. Bullying will be around as long as kids are kids these days and will only stop when the earth stops spinning on its axis. Check out this mom’s message on craigslist. Had me laughing for a long time!!

This world is demented and everyone knows it. Dr.S

I followed these instructions but paid a hefty price

  • Permalink dingle Dr.S I'm so sick of hot chicks trying to make the rules and thinking they have stuff that don't stink. Do you know how many times a hot chick has told me she has the pussy so she makes the rules? I'm so sick of it. Honestly maybe I will go out and buy a dozen pocket pussies. It probably would be easier. Anyway I live in South Boston and I met this chick at this Irish bar near my place on Broadway and well I took her home and railed the crap out of her and actually did play with her ass but the next morning I woke up when a nasty smell hit me in my face. Well it was this tiny fleck of crap stuck to my index finger. I almost threw up!! Well when she rolled over I rubbed on her back then told her to put on her shirt so it wouldn't stain my mattress. Moral of the story is that when a hot chick tells you to jump right you should go left ASAP. I'm out. Peace. And hot chicks plz wipe your ass!! Simple hygiene does save lives so spread the word. Dr.S">Gallery

    I followed these instructions but paid a hefty price

Dr.S I’m so sick of hot chicks trying to make the rules and thinking they have stuff that don’t stink. Do you know how many times a hot chick has told me she has the pussy so she makes the rules? I’m so sick of it. Honestly maybe I will go out and buy a dozen pocket pussies. It probably would be easier. Anyway I live in South Boston and I met this chick at this Irish bar near my place on Broadway and well I took her home and railed the crap out of her and actually did play with her ass but the next morning I woke up when a nasty smell hit me in my face. Well it was this tiny fleck of crap stuck to my index finger. I almost threw up!! Well when she rolled over I rubbed on her back then told her to put on her shirt so it wouldn’t stain my mattress. Moral of the story is that when a hot chick tells you to jump right you should go left ASAP. I’m out. Peace. And hot chicks plz wipe your ass!!

Simple hygiene does save lives so spread the word. Dr.S

My friend threw up on the floor at Hooters after moonshine smoothies

  • Permalink hooters Completely embarrassing and stinky as all hell. My boy just turned 21 last weekend and we brought him to Hooters here in South Florida. Well before we got there we were making him moonshine smoothies and he was already lit up so we got a table and ordered some wings and pitchers of beers and it must have happened after the 3rd chicken wing that my boy started convulsing and his eyes were all red and shit and he just hurled all over the floor next to the waitress who was taking another order. She had mosquito bite boobs by the way which kind of made me pissed off. Anyway she almost puked herself and the stench was so awful!! Never mix moonshine smoothies with beer and wings!!! He says he won't drink again but we all know how that goes. Moonshine smoothies sound worse than a fat chick's flabby taint. Dr.S">Gallery

    My friend threw up on the floor at Hooters after moonshine smoothies

Completely embarrassing and stinky as all hell. My boy just turned 21 last weekend and we brought him to Hooters here in South Florida. Well before we got there we were making him moonshine smoothies and he was already lit up so we got a table and ordered some wings and pitchers of beers and it must have happened after the 3rd chicken wing that my boy started convulsing and his eyes were all red and shit and he just hurled all over the floor next to the waitress who was taking another order. She had mosquito bite boobs by the way which kind of made me pissed off. Anyway she almost puked herself and the stench was so awful!! Never mix moonshine smoothies with beer and wings!!! He says he won’t drink again but we all know how that goes.

Moonshine smoothies sound worse than a fat chick’s flabby taint. Dr.S

She made fun of me because I work with old people’s soiled underwear

  • Permalink soiled I work at a nursing home and have been for 3 years and yes these are my gloves. I work in the soiled clothing department and am responsible for making sure everything gets clean and back into working shape. Well I enjoy working with the elderly and I was out at a bar the other night near my house in Tempe and this girl just flat out laughed at me saying that I must be a total loser for working with old people's soiled underwear. I told her someone has to do the job and she just kind of thumbed her nose at me and said "Here I don't want your stupid drink anyway" and gave it back to me. Why are chicks so cruel and insensitive? She was probably rolling on Molly and her bad decisions were just beginning. Dr.S">Gallery

    She made fun of me because I work with old people’s soiled underwear

I work at a nursing home and have been for 3 years and yes these are my gloves. I work in the soiled clothing department and am responsible for making sure everything gets clean and back into working shape. Well I enjoy working with the elderly and I was out at a bar the other night near my house in Tempe and this girl just flat out laughed at me saying that I must be a total loser for working with old people’s soiled underwear. I told her someone has to do the job and she just kind of thumbed her nose at me and said “Here I don’t want your stupid drink anyway” and gave it back to me. Why are chicks so cruel and insensitive?

She was probably rolling on Molly and her bad decisions were just beginning. Dr.S

My friend’s a sad prick who smells his hand after he gets crap on it

  • Permalink sadprick Hey I have a friend who is a loser who I always have a toss a few bucks. He's basically a sad prick and is almost 27. I just wanted to shame his ass. He makes $7.25 an hour and has no ambition whatsoever. This is his freezer and he can only afford a frozen pizza for the entire week. Also he just told me the other night when he wipes his ass and he gets shit on his hand he will sniff his hand. He said he does it all the time and I think he is mentally ill and I am afraid he is going to come out of the toilet and start hurling feces at me like a rabid monkey or something! We have been friends since 8th grade by the way. I pray for him but he's spinning his wheels for the last 8 years or so. I'm pretty sure even a hot chick couldn't pass this kind of sniff test. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My friend’s a sad prick who smells his hand after he gets crap on it

Hey I have a friend who is a loser who I always have a toss a few bucks. He’s basically a sad prick and is almost 27. I just wanted to shame his ass. He makes $7.25 an hour and has no ambition whatsoever. This is his freezer and he can only afford a frozen pizza for the entire week. Also he just told me the other night when he wipes his ass and he gets shit on his hand he will sniff his hand. He said he does it all the time and I think he is mentally ill and I am afraid he is going to come out of the toilet and start hurling feces at me like a rabid monkey or something! We have been friends since 8th grade by the way. I pray for him but he’s spinning his wheels for the last 8 years or so.

I’m pretty sure even a hot chick couldn’t pass this kind of sniff test. Dr.S

He has been calling me a slut since our dog Muffins escaped

  • Permalink dog Our dog Muffins escaped a few days ago and we have been putting up pictures everywhere and we are praying here in Arizona. He is an Australian Shepherd and is only 3 years old. I am devastated and so is my boyfriend. He is taking his anger out on me because of Muffins being gone and calling me a slut! I am in tears every night and I have been doing every thing I can and putting up signs and giving a reward and the whole 9 yards. He keeps saying "it's your fault slut" because I left the door latch open and that's when Muffins took off and he won't quit saying it!! I don't know what to do because his our baby. He did this once before and our neighbor found him so I am hoping he comes back! Mama loves ya! :(( If anyone has seen Muffins please contact animal rescue at the stinky. Dr.S ">Gallery

    He has been calling me a slut since our dog Muffins escaped

Our dog Muffins escaped a few days ago and we have been putting up pictures everywhere and we are praying here in Arizona. He is an Australian Shepherd and is only 3 years old. I am devastated and so is my boyfriend. He is taking his anger out on me because of Muffins being gone and calling me a slut! I am in tears every night and I have been doing every thing I can and putting up signs and giving a reward and the whole 9 yards. He keeps saying “it’s your fault slut” because I left the door latch open and that’s when Muffins took off and he won’t quit saying it!! I don’t know what to do because his our baby. He did this once before and our neighbor found him so I am hoping he comes back! Mama loves ya! :((

If anyone has seen Muffins please contact animal rescue at the stinky. Dr.S

She has a C-Section scar but we both love peanut butter tho

  • Permalink jif6 I recently started tapping this MILF that I met at my son's school. We are both single parents and the only thing that bothers me is her C-Section scar. It's pretty glaring and sometimes I get tripped up looking at it. One of the things that is cool is that we both love peanut butter and sometimes I put a little bit on her nipples or her taint and lick it off. By the way try this cereal also because she bought it on a whim and it was awesome!! Who doesn't love peanut butter? Dr.S ">Gallery

    She has a C-Section scar but we both love peanut butter tho

I recently started tapping this MILF that I met at my son’s school. We are both single parents and the only thing that bothers me is her C-Section scar. It’s pretty glaring and sometimes I get tripped up looking at it. One of the things that is cool is that we both love peanut butter and sometimes I put a little bit on her nipples or her taint and lick it off. By the way try this cereal also because she bought it on a whim and it was awesome!!

Who doesn’t love peanut butter? Dr.S

My hubby loves his pocket p$##sy more than he loves me

  • Permalink pocket6 We've been married almost 7 years and he said I was getting fat in the last year or so and I continue to hit the gym but it's hard. My hubby has a pocket pussy and these are his work pants FYI. He hides it and I have caught him at least 5 times using it and he tries to explain himself but each time he is usually so wasted he makes no sense. I don't know why he would rather screw a sex toy than having sex with me when I am right next to him in bed. Makes no sense!! Not only that he hides it and I saw him putting it in the dishwasher and went nuts on his ass a few weeks ago! I don't know what to do honestly because he loves that pocket pussy and my girlfriends tell me to serve him papers. So confused ;(( and angry :( When a sex toy has more worth it's time to say goodbye. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My hubby loves his pocket p$##sy more than he loves me

We’ve been married almost 7 years and he said I was getting fat in the last year or so and I continue to hit the gym but it’s hard. My hubby has a pocket pussy and these are his work pants FYI. He hides it and I have caught him at least 5 times using it and he tries to explain himself but each time he is usually so wasted he makes no sense. I don’t know why he would rather screw a sex toy than having sex with me when I am right next to him in bed. Makes no sense!! Not only that he hides it and I saw him putting it in the dishwasher and went nuts on his ass a few weeks ago! I don’t know what to do honestly because he loves that pocket pussy and my girlfriends tell me to serve him papers. So confused ;(( and angry :(

When a sex toy has more worth it’s time to say goodbye. Dr.S

She said if I used the phone book for a week I could smash her dumper

  • Permalink phone book She told me she has the pussy so she makes the rules. Then she said she has the dumper also and that she makes the rules also. We were drunk one night and she said that if I use the phone book for the entire week to live my life I could stick it in her poop chute. She has told me exit only for so long and each time I try she shoots me down. Well anyway a week went by and I have used the phone book for everything like ordering take out and running my business without internet since she made it impossible for me to use it. She was a woman of her word and I get to smash her dumper and she hasn't walked right for the last few days but it was worth going back in time for this for sure. I hate having to make bets like this to score but sometimes a dude has to do what he has to do to remain sane. Peace The phone book is America's last great dinosaur that delivers. Dr.S ">Gallery

    She said if I used the phone book for a week I could smash her dumper

She told me she has the pussy so she makes the rules. Then she said she has the dumper also and that she makes the rules also. We were drunk one night and she said that if I use the phone book for the entire week to live my life I could stick it in her poop chute. She has told me exit only for so long and each time I try she shoots me down. Well anyway a week went by and I have used the phone book for everything like ordering take out and running my business without internet since she made it impossible for me to use it. She was a woman of her word and I get to smash her dumper and she hasn’t walked right for the last few days but it was worth going back in time for this for sure. I hate having to make bets like this to score but sometimes a dude has to do what he has to do to remain sane. Peace

The phone book is America’s last great dinosaur that delivers. Dr.S

My wife’s blended kale shakes have made her ax wound stink

  • Permalink kale I got a HUGE problem on my hands and let's just the nasty stuff looks like Palmolive. Recently in the last month my wife has started doing these stupid blended kale shakes to make her all healthy I guess. She gets the ideas from her girlfriends who are actually not fat at all so she is trying to slim down like them and do this juicing thing also. Only problem is since she started it and I went down south on her I had to hold my nostrils from the stench and normally never had any problem in the 10 years we have been together. It was really terrible and I blame the kale shakes but she says it couldn't be that but you are the doctor so what do you think? Blended kale shakes destroy souls so yes that's causing the odor. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My wife’s blended kale shakes have made her ax wound stink

I got a HUGE problem on my hands and let’s just the nasty stuff looks like Palmolive. Recently in the last month my wife has started doing these stupid blended kale shakes to make her all healthy I guess. She gets the ideas from her girlfriends who are actually not fat at all so she is trying to slim down like them and do this juicing thing also. Only problem is since she started it and I went down south on her I had to hold my nostrils from the stench and normally never had any problem in the 10 years we have been together. It was really terrible and I blame the kale shakes but she says it couldn’t be that but you are the doctor so what do you think?

Blended kale shakes destroy souls so yes that’s causing the odor. Dr.S

A basic bitch made me sniff her crap stained toilet paper for $100

  • Permalink sniff Yeah I'm done with basic bitches. I was tight on $$$ and so this basic bitch has this paralegal position who does alright was like oh yeah I will give ya $100 if you sniff my toilet paper after I make a dump and i had been hitting it on the reg so I figured why not. Well I have never been so low in my life but I had to sniff that paper and stank like a sewer rat dipped in crap under 90 degrees sun. So disgusting but I walked away with a crisp C Note. A man's got to eat even if her toilet paper is rank. You're disgusting but I guess you got to chase that cheddar. Dr.S ">Gallery

    A basic bitch made me sniff her crap stained toilet paper for $100

Yeah I’m done with basic bitches. I was tight on $$$ and so this basic bitch has this paralegal position who does alright was like oh yeah I will give ya $100 if you sniff my toilet paper after I make a dump and i had been hitting it on the reg so I figured why not. Well I have never been so low in my life but I had to sniff that paper and stank like a sewer rat dipped in crap under 90 degrees sun. So disgusting but I walked away with a crisp C Note. A man’s got to eat even if her toilet paper is rank.

You’re disgusting but I guess you got to chase that cheddar. Dr.S

Would she go to Applebee’s for happy hour with me?

  • Permalink screen-shottttt-2014-10-14-at-9-35-31-pm I am fat and disgusting pushing 275 pounds. Just wanted to know if a chick like this would go to Applebee's with me for happy hour. It's basically all I can afford right now because I don't even have 2 nickels to rub together and work part time at Walgreens. Any hope for me doc? No way and please join LA fitness before you collapse. Dr.S ">Gallery

    Would she go to Applebee’s for happy hour with me?

I am fat and disgusting pushing 275 pounds. Just wanted to know if a chick like this would go to Applebee’s with me for happy hour. It’s basically all I can afford right now because I don’t even have 2 nickels to rub together and work part time at Walgreens. Any hope for me doc?

No way and please join LA fitness before you collapse. Dr.S

Why are Americans so fat and lazy also?

  • Permalink lazy Hello I didn't grow up here but have been in the US for almost 20 years now. Why are Americans so fat and lazy? Can you tell me? Is it because they all drink a lot of soda and eat all that pizza? Why would someone paint a turd? I don't you Americans one bit. Most Americans will cut 90% of any corner. Dr.S ">Gallery

    Why are Americans so fat and lazy also?

Hello I didn’t grow up here but have been in the US for almost 20 years now. Why are Americans so fat and lazy? Can you tell me? Is it because they all drink a lot of soda and eat all that pizza? Why would someone paint a turd? I don’t you Americans one bit.

Most Americans will cut 90% of any corner. Dr.S

How do I know if a chick will have a hairy butt crack?

  • Permalink Screen-Shottt2014-10-14-at-1.50.18-PM Hey I just turned 21. I hooked up with this chick last weekend who had a hairy butt crack and I got sick staring at it and no she wasn't fat at all surprisingly. Is there a way to tell if it's gonna be hairy or not? My buddy said you can tell by a chick's eyebrows all the time. Is that true if they are hairy she will have a hairy crack? He gave me crappy advice before so I don't know if I can trust him. any advice I will take from dr.S It's not an exact science although if it's hairy it will always be scary. Dr.S ">Gallery

    How do I know if a chick will have a hairy butt crack?

Hey I just turned 21. I hooked up with this chick last weekend who had a hairy butt crack and I got sick staring at it and no she wasn’t fat at all surprisingly. Is there a way to tell if it’s gonna be hairy or not? My buddy said you can tell by a chick’s eyebrows all the time. Is that true if they are hairy she will have a hairy crack? He gave me crappy advice before so I don’t know if I can trust him. any advice I will take from dr.S

It’s not an exact science although if it’s hairy it will always be scary. Dr.S

I’m already in a wheelchair and I’m afraid of catching Ebola

  • Permalink screennnn75-480x448 Hello from Houston. I am a handicapped man and have been for the last 5 years after a bad car accident. I am a fan of this site because it makes me laugh and also because no one should take themselves that seriously not even hot chicks. I used to bang hot chicks before I ended up paralyzed and now they just say "aww poor thing" when they meet me and want nothing to do with me. I get it and have moved on but am really concerned about the EBOLA scare. I mean I don't know what I would actually do if it clipped me and crippled me even more than I already am. I guess I would just have some friend wheel me in front of a speeding train so I could die with dignity. It's scary out there. God bless you Dr.S and your family. I'm pretty sure any one with Ebola does not need a sniff test. Dr.S">Gallery

    I’m already in a wheelchair and I’m afraid of catching Ebola

Hello from Houston. I am a handicapped man and have been for the last 5 years after a bad car accident. I am a fan of this site because it makes me laugh and also because no one should take themselves that seriously not even hot chicks. I used to bang hot chicks before I ended up paralyzed and now they just say “aww poor thing” when they meet me and want nothing to do with me. I get it and have moved on but am really concerned about the EBOLA scare. I mean I don’t know what I would actually do if it clipped me and crippled me even more than I already am. I guess I would just have some friend wheel me in front of a speeding train so I could die with dignity. It’s scary out there. God bless you Dr.S and your family.

I’m pretty sure any one with Ebola does not need a sniff test. Dr.S

This is how it feels to be a hot chick like me

  • Permalink clubbing) Some guys should walk in my high heels one night and see how it is as a 25 year old hottie. This is exactly how it feels when I head out to a bar or club. It's like a feeding frenzy sometimes especially if I am just with one girlfriend. Guys won't let me stand alone for more than a minute. It's constant and sometimes when you are born beautiful it can be a curse rather than a blessing. To all the basic bitches out there I would like to trade in my life for yours just for a few days so I don't have every freakin guy trying to get into my pants. Sometimes it really stinks bad ! :) xoxo You sound like you wouldn't pass the sniff test tho. Dr.S ">Gallery

    This is how it feels to be a hot chick like me

Some guys should walk in my high heels one night and see how it is as a 25 year old hottie. This is exactly how it feels when I head out to a bar or club. It’s like a feeding frenzy sometimes especially if I am just with one girlfriend. Guys won’t let me stand alone for more than a minute. It’s constant and sometimes when you are born beautiful it can be a curse rather than a blessing. To all the basic bitches out there I would like to trade in my life for yours just for a few days so I don’t have every freakin guy trying to get into my pants. Sometimes it really stinks bad ! :) xoxo

You sound like you wouldn’t pass the sniff test tho. Dr.S

Is it true that all fat chicks will unleash Ebola on the world?

  • Permalink mom I read an article online that all fat chicks are carrying the Ebola strain. Is this true? I know not to believe everything I read on the internet but it said they carry the virus inside their balloon knots and that it lies dormant for years and then suddenly explodes. Is this true doc? Should I be worried? Because fatties love me. Sounds preposterous that it could incubated in a fart box. Dr.S ">Gallery

    Is it true that all fat chicks will unleash Ebola on the world?

I read an article online that all fat chicks are carrying the Ebola strain. Is this true? I know not to believe everything I read on the internet but it said they carry the virus inside their balloon knots and that it lies dormant for years and then suddenly explodes. Is this true doc? Should I be worried? Because fatties love me.

Sounds preposterous that it could incubated in a fart box. Dr.S

Would you ever put up with a hottie who had anal leakage?

  • Permalink hot Just wondering if you would ever date a hot chick with anal leakage. I recently discovered the girl I am railing apparently has this condition and it's kind of disgusting and let's just say it drips like a coffee pot going sideways. Alright it's super nasty and the only reason I put up with it is because she is a dime piece with a killer body. If she was a whale I would have run out a long time ago. Kind of a double standard with hot chicks because they can get away with pretty much everything even leaking butt holes while average and fat girls have it real rough. Makes me sad but then makes me laugh. You sound like a chump for embracing the eternal sewer. Dr.S ">Gallery

    Would you ever put up with a hottie who had anal leakage?

Just wondering if you would ever date a hot chick with anal leakage. I recently discovered the girl I am railing apparently has this condition and it’s kind of disgusting and let’s just say it drips like a coffee pot going sideways. Alright it’s super nasty and the only reason I put up with it is because she is a dime piece with a killer body. If she was a whale I would have run out a long time ago. Kind of a double standard with hot chicks because they can get away with pretty much everything even leaking butt holes while average and fat girls have it real rough. Makes me sad but then makes me laugh.

You sound like a chump for embracing the eternal sewer. Dr.S

My next door neighbor told me he whacks it to me

  • Permalink beer Dr.S I have a fat neighbor who always sits on the porch drinking. Well a few nights ago he just flat out told me how pretty I was and how he loves watching me walk by and said I had a cute little ass. I was like thank you and then he said you know I whack it to you every night before I go to bed. I was completely speechless and instead of calling him a jerk or asshole I just smiled and then went inside and double locked my door. Should I be scared he is going to take a ladder and climb through my window? It's the quiet ones who cause most trouble so I wouldn't be too worried. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My next door neighbor told me he whacks it to me

Dr.S I have a fat neighbor who always sits on the porch drinking. Well a few nights ago he just flat out told me how pretty I was and how he loves watching me walk by and said I had a cute little ass. I was like thank you and then he said you know I whack it to you every night before I go to bed. I was completely speechless and instead of calling him a jerk or asshole I just smiled and then went inside and double locked my door. Should I be scared he is going to take a ladder and climb through my window?

It’s the quiet ones who cause most trouble so I wouldn’t be too worried. Dr.S