New MOOD by Onnit

I found her diarrhea medicine hiding in the corner

  • Permalink poo Dr.S I went snooping a few days ago and was like what's this? She was like oh yeah that's my diarrhea medication. And she was like "yeah you shouldn't be snooping around like that." When she said that I was wondering what else she was hiding from me. I asked her why she was hiding it and she said it was none of my business. Should I let it just roll off my back or keep digging up the poo on this one? I would keep excavating because something bigger is down there. Dr.S">Gallery

    I found her diarrhea medicine hiding in the corner

Dr.S I went snooping a few days ago and was like what’s this? She was like oh yeah that’s my diarrhea medication. And she was like “yeah you shouldn’t be snooping around like that.” When she said that I was wondering what else she was hiding from me. I asked her why she was hiding it and she said it was none of my business. Should I let it just roll off my back or keep digging up the poo on this one?

I would keep excavating because something bigger is down there. Dr.S

Do you think wearing this shirt will help me with a hot balloon knot?

  • Permalink Screen-Shotttt-2014-12-17-at-3.45.08-PM-317x640 Dr.S just wondering if I should buy this t-shirt. Wondering if it would help me with a hottie's balloon knot. Just curious but would need an answer asap. Too aggressive so only buy it if it's on sale. Dr.S">Gallery

    Do you think wearing this shirt will help me with a hot balloon knot?

Dr.S just wondering if I should buy this t-shirt. Wondering if it would help me with a hottie’s balloon knot. Just curious but would need an answer asap.

Too aggressive so only buy it if it’s on sale. Dr.S

She’s wound tight but not in a good way though

  • Permalink tight I have a girlfriend who is on the larger side. Usually bigger girls have better personalities because they almost have to in order to get dudes. Well my girl friend has kind of a nasty edge to her and is wound tight. I mean not even tight in the way you are thinking because it's actually pretty damn loose. My friends are asking why I put up with her. The real reason Dr.S is because I am too lazy to look for something better. Pitiful. Dr.S">Gallery

    She’s wound tight but not in a good way though

I have a girlfriend who is on the larger side. Usually bigger girls have better personalities because they almost have to in order to get dudes. Well my girl friend has kind of a nasty edge to her and is wound tight. I mean not even tight in the way you are thinking because it’s actually pretty damn loose. My friends are asking why I put up with her. The real reason Dr.S is because I am too lazy to look for something better.

Pitiful. Dr.S

If the ATM hadn’t swallowed her card I wouldn’t have scored

  • Permalink atm pee body This is not her but couldn't stop laughing at this. I was at an ATM over the weekend and this hot chick with such a tight ass was in front of me and I guess the machine swallowed her card and she was going all sorts of bat shit kicking the machine and screaming like someone was banging her in the starfish without any lube. Well I got her to calm down and said think about all the worse problems and life and assured her nothing bad would happen and she could go in the bank on Monday to retrieve her card. Well it worked and we've been texting non stop and I am going out with her this weekend and no we aren't going to Applebee's and I feel confident her legs will be in the air and screaming louder than when she lost her card! It's funny how life works and I count my blessings. God bless At least pick up the check if you want to a true shot. Dr.S">Gallery

    If the ATM hadn’t swallowed her card I wouldn’t have scored

This is not her but couldn’t stop laughing at this. I was at an ATM over the weekend and this hot chick with such a tight ass was in front of me and I guess the machine swallowed her card and she was going all sorts of bat shit kicking the machine and screaming like someone was banging her in the starfish without any lube. Well I got her to calm down and said think about all the worse problems and life and assured her nothing bad would happen and she could go in the bank on Monday to retrieve her card. Well it worked and we’ve been texting non stop and I am going out with her this weekend and no we aren’t going to Applebee’s and I feel confident her legs will be in the air and screaming louder than when she lost her card! It’s funny how life works and I count my blessings. God bless

At least pick up the check if you want to a true shot. Dr.S

I’ve been living in the midwest like a loser and need to move

  • Permalink Screen-Shotttt-2014-12-08-at-2.40.21-PM I think it's time for a change. I have been in Wisconsin for all my life. I will be 26 next month and I think 2015 is the year for me to make my move. I'm so sick of the long winters and girls covering up their blubber with sweaters and huge coats. I have friends in Cali and AZ and am deciding which place to go. I am leaning towards AZ because it is cheaper and can afford to move my job there. Any recommendations Dr.S? Where should I go to cure my depression? California hands down if you want to save your soul. Dr.S">Gallery

    I’ve been living in the midwest like a loser and need to move

I think it’s time for a change. I have been in Wisconsin for all my life. I will be 26 next month and I think 2015 is the year for me to make my move. I’m so sick of the long winters and girls covering up their blubber with sweaters and huge coats. I have friends in Cali and AZ and am deciding which place to go. I am leaning towards AZ because it is cheaper and can afford to move my job there. Any recommendations Dr.S? Where should I go to cure my depression?

California hands down if you want to save your soul. Dr.S

What do I do if her ax wound reeks like cheese?

  • Permalink cheese I just turned 21 so I haven't been in the game long. I go to a small college in Pennsylvania and hooked up with a girl who is a year younger. Anyway she is real cute with a cool personality but her box really reeks like worse than cheese. How do I tell her about it or do I? I was taught to be polite. Just do a simple analogy of some sort using cheese. Dr.S">Gallery

    What do I do if her ax wound reeks like cheese?

I just turned 21 so I haven’t been in the game long. I go to a small college in Pennsylvania and hooked up with a girl who is a year younger. Anyway she is real cute with a cool personality but her box really reeks like worse than cheese. How do I tell her about it or do I? I was taught to be polite.

Just do a simple analogy of some sort using cheese. Dr.S

She asked if I wanted the gift wrapped then I got her digits

  • Permalink wrapped I told her the gift was for my sister when I was at the mall the other day when it's really for my wife for X-Mas. I know this is bad I don't care. She was smoking hot and had the tightest ass and looked banging with her Santa hat. Anyway we have been texting and I think I have a shot at sticking it in sometime soon. Not sure when. Just kind of texting back and forth for now and I think my wife goes away on business next month for a few days so I think the coast should be clear for me then. Cross your fingers for me Dr.S and hope it happens. Happy Holidays! Let the world know if you stuff her stocking. Dr.S ">Gallery

    She asked if I wanted the gift wrapped then I got her digits

I told her the gift was for my sister when I was at the mall the other day when it’s really for my wife for X-Mas. I know this is bad I don’t care. She was smoking hot and had the tightest ass and looked banging with her Santa hat. Anyway we have been texting and I think I have a shot at sticking it in sometime soon. Not sure when. Just kind of texting back and forth for now and I think my wife goes away on business next month for a few days so I think the coast should be clear for me then. Cross your fingers for me Dr.S and hope it happens. Happy Holidays!

Let the world know if you stuff her stocking. Dr.S

I caught my husband answering missed connections on craigslist

  • Permalink eye Dr.S I went through my husband's emails and he has answered about 10 missed connections (woman looking for men section) on craigslist saying stuff like yeah it was me who saw you at the gas station or at the mall or the restaurant or the friggin highway for that matter. Basically any place that the girl said she saw a handsome man and was sad he got away my husband would respond and send a picture of himself and his pecker asking if it was him. Most of them said NO but one girl responded saying it wasn't him but she wouldn't mind getting a drink or something. I don't know what to do. I am distraught. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 small children. I can't believe he would stoop this low!! Most men are huge pigs. Dr.S ">Gallery

    I caught my husband answering missed connections on craigslist

Dr.S I went through my husband’s emails and he has answered about 10 missed connections (woman looking for men section) on craigslist saying stuff like yeah it was me who saw you at the gas station or at the mall or the restaurant or the friggin highway for that matter. Basically any place that the girl said she saw a handsome man and was sad he got away my husband would respond and send a picture of himself and his pecker asking if it was him. Most of them said NO but one girl responded saying it wasn’t him but she wouldn’t mind getting a drink or something. I don’t know what to do. I am distraught. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 small children. I can’t believe he would stoop this low!!

Most men are huge pigs. Dr.S

She has terminal cancer but still wants a new Chanel purse

  • Permalink golf I have a friend here in Scottsdale that was told she has 6 months to live due to an aggressive cancer. I have known her for about 3 years and we are both in our late 40s. We met at the Waste Management Open a few years back and hit it off at the Bird's Nest. Well the crazy part about this is I asked her if I could be any help as we are both devastated and she told me she always wanted a new Chanel purse. I was dumbfounded because she won't really be here to enjoy it and when I told her that she just laughed and said to get it anyway. What should I do? Make her dying wish come true obviously. Dr.S ">Gallery

    She has terminal cancer but still wants a new Chanel purse

I have a friend here in Scottsdale that was told she has 6 months to live due to an aggressive cancer. I have known her for about 3 years and we are both in our late 40s. We met at the Waste Management Open a few years back and hit it off at the Bird’s Nest. Well the crazy part about this is I asked her if I could be any help as we are both devastated and she told me she always wanted a new Chanel purse. I was dumbfounded because she won’t really be here to enjoy it and when I told her that she just laughed and said to get it anyway. What should I do?

Make her dying wish come true obviously. Dr.S

Does that make him bisexual because he wears a thumb ring?

  • Permalink thumbring Hi Dr.S. I have been dating a guy for a month now and I really like him. We met on the subway actually. Well a few nights ago he started wearing a thumb ring and I told him that I didn't like it and to take it off and not wear it with me. I even asked some of my friends about it and they said only gay men wear thumb rings. Are they right? Whenever I go down on him I think that he has been going down on other men behind my back. Am I over reacting or do you think it's okay that he wears one? It is really bothering me. As long as it's not meth who really cares? Dr.S">Gallery

    Does that make him bisexual because he wears a thumb ring?

Hi Dr.S. I have been dating a guy for a month now and I really like him. We met on the subway actually. Well a few nights ago he started wearing a thumb ring and I told him that I didn’t like it and to take it off and not wear it with me. I even asked some of my friends about it and they said only gay men wear thumb rings. Are they right? Whenever I go down on him I think that he has been going down on other men behind my back. Am I over reacting or do you think it’s okay that he wears one? It is really bothering me.

As long as it’s not meth who really cares? Dr.S

I guessed her pin number so she let me put it in her balloon knot

  • Permalink card Dr.S--what up. I've been seeing this chick I met online for a couple of weeks. Just sex and NSA variety at that. Well she had her debit card lying around and I was like hey give me the first 2 numbers of your pin and if I get it right I can put in your balloon knot. Well it only took me 3 tries and bingo and she couldn't believe I got it! A deal's a deal. Right? I ran down the street to the sex shop and got some lube and ended up plowing her balloon knot and she was like yeah I am never playing that game again. Thought you would like that story. Pretty impressive that you guessed it on the third try I guess. Dr.S">Gallery

    I guessed her pin number so she let me put it in her balloon knot

Dr.S–what up. I’ve been seeing this chick I met online for a couple of weeks. Just sex and NSA variety at that. Well she had her debit card lying around and I was like hey give me the first 2 numbers of your pin and if I get it right I can put in your balloon knot. Well it only took me 3 tries and bingo and she couldn’t believe I got it! A deal’s a deal. Right? I ran down the street to the sex shop and got some lube and ended up plowing her balloon knot and she was like yeah I am never playing that game again. Thought you would like that story.

Pretty impressive that you guessed it on the third try I guess. Dr.S

I recently got a life coach for my smoking hot sugar baby

  • Permalink lifecoach I am hedge fund manager and recently told my sugar baby that she needed a life coach. I am only trying to protect her down the line if something happens to me. I am 54 and she is only 26 and I thought it would be necessary to see that she makes a future out of herself if this arrangement some day ends. She's a complete smoke show but doesn't have the skills to make it in the world. Hopefully the life coach will put her on some path. I consider myself a sugar daddy who has her best interests at heart and wanted to share my good deeds with the world. I wonder if her starfish passes the sniff test tho. Dr.S ">Gallery

    I recently got a life coach for my smoking hot sugar baby

I am hedge fund manager and recently told my sugar baby that she needed a life coach. I am only trying to protect her down the line if something happens to me. I am 54 and she is only 26 and I thought it would be necessary to see that she makes a future out of herself if this arrangement some day ends. She’s a complete smoke show but doesn’t have the skills to make it in the world. Hopefully the life coach will put her on some path. I consider myself a sugar daddy who has her best interests at heart and wanted to share my good deeds with the world.

I wonder if her starfish passes the sniff test tho. Dr.S

My friend is an ugly chick living in Miami and she can’t find a date

  • Permalink diner Dr.S big fan of this site. So real and funny as hell. I have a good friend in Miami who does well. Great job making about 90 K a year but she is not attractive at all and also on the bigger side and she eats here all the time at this famous diner. I'm sure you know Miami is one of the most superficial places on earth so I told her not to go there because it would be difficult and basically I was right when she moved from Wisconsin. With so many beautiful women walking around she has no chance with guys. Well she loves the beach and the sunshine so that's why she is there but is pretty miserable striking out with one guy after the next. Essentially no one wants to date her or stick it inside of her which is a crying shame because she has a good soul and a great personality. Great personalities and good souls have no meaning today. Dr.S">Gallery

    My friend is an ugly chick living in Miami and she can’t find a date

Dr.S big fan of this site. So real and funny as hell. I have a good friend in Miami who does well. Great job making about 90 K a year but she is not attractive at all and also on the bigger side and she eats here all the time at this famous diner. I’m sure you know Miami is one of the most superficial places on earth so I told her not to go there because it would be difficult and basically I was right when she moved from Wisconsin. With so many beautiful women walking around she has no chance with guys. Well she loves the beach and the sunshine so that’s why she is there but is pretty miserable striking out with one guy after the next. Essentially no one wants to date her or stick it inside of her which is a crying shame because she has a good soul and a great personality.

Great personalities and good souls have no meaning today. Dr.S

There are no more morals in this country and it stinks

  • Permalink goodnight Dr.S this is proof that morals don't exist anymore. Why would any girl post this stuff on Facebook? How dumb do you have to be? I am grateful that my hubby and I are happily married and have been for almost 4 years. I don't know what I would do if I was out in the single world with all the crazy chicks and attention whores. Such a shame what this country has become and I blame women even tho I am one. This country is at the point of no return. Dr.S ">Gallery

    There are no more morals in this country and it stinks

Dr.S this is proof that morals don’t exist anymore. Why would any girl post this stuff on Facebook? How dumb do you have to be? I am grateful that my hubby and I are happily married and have been for almost 4 years. I don’t know what I would do if I was out in the single world with all the crazy chicks and attention whores. Such a shame what this country has become and I blame women even tho I am one.

This country is at the point of no return. Dr.S

She wakes up the neighbor’s baby with her grunts so they left us a cork

  • Permalink cork When I bang the crap out of my girlfriend she is a screamer and a huge grunter. Nothing I can do about it. Well I guess my neighbor to the right of me has a baby which cries a lot when she starts screaming. Last week the couple near us left this cork on my door step with a post it note that said to "Put a cork in her". I told my girlfriend about it and she said she will not try to tone it down at all because it's not her fault the walls are thin. That's why I hate sharing walls with others. Dr.S">Gallery

    She wakes up the neighbor’s baby with her grunts so they left us a cork

When I bang the crap out of my girlfriend she is a screamer and a huge grunter. Nothing I can do about it. Well I guess my neighbor to the right of me has a baby which cries a lot when she starts screaming. Last week the couple near us left this cork on my door step with a post it note that said to “Put a cork in her”. I told my girlfriend about it and she said she will not try to tone it down at all because it’s not her fault the walls are thin.

That’s why I hate sharing walls with others. Dr.S

I am getting the last minute jitters about licking a rave girl’s Cheerio

  • Permalink cheerio She's a rave girl and she's into me more than I am into her. I don't mess with drugs and don't plan on it. She is trying to get me take Molly but I don't want to and refuse to rave. Well tonight she is coming over and said she wants me to lick her Cheerio when she is rolling because she said some guy did it before and she wants it done again. I don't know if I am up to the task because I heard rave girls can have a stinky Cheerio. Please help me make decide if I should loosen my tongue or not. Flick your serpent tongue at it and see what happens. Dr.S">Gallery

    I am getting the last minute jitters about licking a rave girl’s Cheerio

She’s a rave girl and she’s into me more than I am into her. I don’t mess with drugs and don’t plan on it. She is trying to get me take Molly but I don’t want to and refuse to rave. Well tonight she is coming over and said she wants me to lick her Cheerio when she is rolling because she said some guy did it before and she wants it done again. I don’t know if I am up to the task because I heard rave girls can have a stinky Cheerio. Please help me make decide if I should loosen my tongue or not.

Flick your serpent tongue at it and see what happens. Dr.S

Which one would you take to Denny’s for the grand slam?

  • Permalink Screen-Shotttt-2014-12-10-at-3.29.15-PM Dr.S need some advice. Which one of these would you take to Denny's for the grand slam at 3 a.m.? That's the only time to go by the way. The one in the red seems the logical choice. Dr.S">Gallery

    Which one would you take to Denny’s for the grand slam?

Dr.S need some advice. Which one of these would you take to Denny’s for the grand slam at 3 a.m.? That’s the only time to go by the way.

The one in the red seems the logical choice. Dr.S

My sugarbaby recently crapped her pants on my airplane

  • Permalink plane I wanted to share my frustration. I recently took my sugarbaby on a trip from Scottsdale to Vegas and while we were in route she crapped herself and just passed out. Her explanation was that it was all the Molly from the night before and alcohol and yes she was out partying with her friends who are all around 23. The plane is small so the stench filled up the entire cabin. The only reason I didn't open up the side door and boot her out is because she is a solid 10. You should have given her a working parachute. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My sugarbaby recently crapped her pants on my airplane

I wanted to share my frustration. I recently took my sugarbaby on a trip from Scottsdale to Vegas and while we were in route she crapped herself and just passed out. Her explanation was that it was all the Molly from the night before and alcohol and yes she was out partying with her friends who are all around 23. The plane is small so the stench filled up the entire cabin. The only reason I didn’t open up the side door and boot her out is because she is a solid 10.

You should have given her a working parachute. Dr.S

I kicked booze and heroin then joined eHarmony

  • Permalink booze I kicked booze and heroin this past summer for good and have been clean for almost 5 months. I do have withdrawals from time to time and get the shakes and nausea. The girls I met when I joined eHarmony sometimes cradle my head like a baby when I go into convulsions or start flapping around like a dead fish and they are generally accepting of me and my new lease on life. In 2015 I never want to go back to the dark places I had been for so many years. I am a fan of this site because it always makes me laugh my ass off. Keep up the good work. Thanks and congrats on your sobriety. Dr.S">Gallery

    I kicked booze and heroin then joined eHarmony

I kicked booze and heroin this past summer for good and have been clean for almost 5 months. I do have withdrawals from time to time and get the shakes and nausea. The girls I met when I joined eHarmony sometimes cradle my head like a baby when I go into convulsions or start flapping around like a dead fish and they are generally accepting of me and my new lease on life. In 2015 I never want to go back to the dark places I had been for so many years. I am a fan of this site because it always makes me laugh my ass off. Keep up the good work.

Thanks and congrats on your sobriety. Dr.S

Please tell me who you would take to Applebee’s for happy hour

  • Permalink buttt2014-12-10-at-3.33.01-PM Big fan of the stinky here in Wisconsin! Well which one would you take to Applebee's? You can only take one and I know who I would pick. I would pay for the check also which is something I normally don't do unless she's way hot. The one in pink is the only real choice. Dr.S">Gallery

    Please tell me who you would take to Applebee’s for happy hour

Big fan of the stinky here in Wisconsin! Well which one would you take to Applebee’s? You can only take one and I know who I would pick. I would pay for the check also which is something I normally don’t do unless she’s way hot.

The one in pink is the only real choice. Dr.S

Her undercarriage is itching now since she cheated on me

  • Permalink itch I recently found out my girlfriend cheated on me with a guy I know. It happened a couple of weeks ago and I forgave her and we have moved on. The truth is I really love her and we all make mistakes. Well a few days ago her undercarriage started itching and I don't know if she caught something from this guy I know. I have been applying lotion to her taint but I don't know if it's going to work. We stopped having sex because I don't want to catch anything. I hope it's not too late. It's the skin between her balloon knot and vagina that is kind of inflamed. Dr.S please help me. I'm scared. I will pray for her itchy taint in church soon. Dr.S">Gallery

    Her undercarriage is itching now since she cheated on me

I recently found out my girlfriend cheated on me with a guy I know. It happened a couple of weeks ago and I forgave her and we have moved on. The truth is I really love her and we all make mistakes. Well a few days ago her undercarriage started itching and I don’t know if she caught something from this guy I know. I have been applying lotion to her taint but I don’t know if it’s going to work. We stopped having sex because I don’t want to catch anything. I hope it’s not too late. It’s the skin between her balloon knot and vagina that is kind of inflamed. Dr.S please help me. I’m scared.

I will pray for her itchy taint in church soon. Dr.S