New MOOD by Onnit

Are her legs too stupid looking or not?

  • Permalink stupid legs I made fun of her legs and actually sealed the deal that way. Sometimes you have to knock chicks down a few notches before you they really lie on their backs and take it like a champ. But honestly her legs are kind of skinny and stupid looking if you ask me. I've been with better and feel bad for dudes out there on EHarmony looking for their soul mate. It just sounds so desperate. The stupidity is pretty ripe here I guess. Dr.S">Gallery

    Are her legs too stupid looking or not?

I made fun of her legs and actually sealed the deal that way. Sometimes you have to knock chicks down a few notches before you they really lie on their backs and take it like a champ. But honestly her legs are kind of skinny and stupid looking if you ask me. I’ve been with better and feel bad for dudes out there on EHarmony looking for their soul mate. It just sounds so desperate.

The stupidity is pretty ripe here I guess. Dr.S

My slam pig didn’t have a problem devouring undercooked pizza

  • Permalink pizza Dr.S I've been seeing a slam pig for the past few months. She's a side piece FYI and a few nights ago we ordered some pizza (well it was delivered all raw and nasty as you can tell) and she had no problem taking down a few slices. I tried one and spit most of it into the garbage. I admired her drive and wanted to share my story. Looks pretty disgusting but makes sense I guess. Dr.S">Gallery

    My slam pig didn’t have a problem devouring undercooked pizza

Dr.S I’ve been seeing a slam pig for the past few months. She’s a side piece FYI and a few nights ago we ordered some pizza (well it was delivered all raw and nasty as you can tell) and she had no problem taking down a few slices. I tried one and spit most of it into the garbage. I admired her drive and wanted to share my story.

Looks pretty disgusting but makes sense I guess. Dr.S

What if she has an amazing personality tho?

  • Permalink personalityjpg Just wanted to get your opinion here. She's not a looker by any means but she has an amazing personality. Does that count for anything anymore? Please help me out. Anonymous in Wisconsin. It counts for a tiny speck. Dr.S">Gallery

    What if she has an amazing personality tho?

Just wanted to get your opinion here. She’s not a looker by any means but she has an amazing personality. Does that count for anything anymore? Please help me out. Anonymous in Wisconsin.

It counts for a tiny speck. Dr.S

She has a droopy eye but these make up for it

  • Permalink me Dr.S I'm seeing this chick I met at a bar in Laughlin. Long story short any guy out there probably can't tear their eyes away from these puppies. What I am not showing you tho is that she has a really bad droopy right eye and there's no getting around it. She tells me she knows guys only like her because of her boobs and that if she didn't have them no guy would give her a first date or a 2nd date at Applebee's like you say a lot. She's actually a cool chick and if she knew I submitted her I know I wouldn't get any for a month or maybe more. It's so funny how most guys will put up with anything. Dr.S ">Gallery

    She has a droopy eye but these make up for it

Dr.S I’m seeing this chick I met at a bar in Laughlin. Long story short any guy out there probably can’t tear their eyes away from these puppies. What I am not showing you tho is that she has a really bad droopy right eye and there’s no getting around it. She tells me she knows guys only like her because of her boobs and that if she didn’t have them no guy would give her a first date or a 2nd date at Applebee’s like you say a lot. She’s actually a cool chick and if she knew I submitted her I know I wouldn’t get any for a month or maybe more.

It’s so funny how most guys will put up with anything. Dr.S

My wife has been working towards a gap but it’s going nowhere

  • Permalink ScreennnShot-2014-08-05-at-12.27.46-PM-480x257 Dr.S my wife just turned 30 and she has been obsessed with the thigh gap like a lot of women these days. Actually this is my screen saver and as each month goes by she compares herself to this gap. She's nowhere close to achieving this perfection and I let her know it. It doesn't matter if she runs that extra mile or spend 30 minutes on weights or yoga or pilates. I admire that she's chomping at the bit to turn back time but she's sadly failing at it. I told her to give it a rest already and she broke down in tears. Encourage her folly and try to love her until death do you part. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My wife has been working towards a gap but it’s going nowhere

Dr.S my wife just turned 30 and she has been obsessed with the thigh gap like a lot of women these days. Actually this is my screen saver and as each month goes by she compares herself to this gap. She’s nowhere close to achieving this perfection and I let her know it. It doesn’t matter if she runs that extra mile or spend 30 minutes on weights or yoga or pilates. I admire that she’s chomping at the bit to turn back time but she’s sadly failing at it. I told her to give it a rest already and she broke down in tears.

Encourage her folly and try to love her until death do you part. Dr.S

I got down on one knee and she said no

  • Permalink hand I feel humiliated. I proposed to my girlfriend in a restaurant in this swanky place on the Upper West side and she just shook her head and said no. The saddest part about it was that there were witnesses and afterwards we returned to our table and ate in pretty much silence with people staring at us. You might wonder why Dr.S she said no and I'm here to tell it. She said I didn't make enough money and that our life would be a struggle. I'm devastated and yeah is stinks big time. We all want fairy tale endings and I'm sorry. Dr.S">Gallery

    I got down on one knee and she said no

I feel humiliated. I proposed to my girlfriend in a restaurant in this swanky place on the Upper West side and she just shook her head and said no. The saddest part about it was that there were witnesses and afterwards we returned to our table and ate in pretty much silence with people staring at us. You might wonder why Dr.S she said no and I’m here to tell it. She said I didn’t make enough money and that our life would be a struggle. I’m devastated and yeah is stinks big time.

We all want fairy tale endings and I’m sorry. Dr.S

He was short, bald, and fat so he killed himself after years of rejection

  • Permalink short and bald Dr.S this is a sad story. A friend of mine just committed suicide last week and hung himself like Robin Williams did from the door. He was only 30 years old but he I guess he decided he had enough of life. When people die they leave behind dirty laundry and my friend apparently left behind an Uncrustable on his kitchen counter because lately that's all he was having for all of his meals. He would always complain about being short, bald, and fat and that is the reason no chicks wanted to sleep with him. But he also was struggling financially make $9.50 an hour at some office job that he hated and always told me there was no way out except to die. I told him him things would get better but he didn't believe me and told me they wouldn't. Never got to say goodbye and that is going to haunt me forever. Tall guys have all the luck and it's not very fair. Dr.S ">Gallery

    He was short, bald, and fat so he killed himself after years of rejection

Dr.S this is a sad story. A friend of mine just committed suicide last week and hung himself like Robin Williams did from the door. He was only 30 years old but he I guess he decided he had enough of life. When people die they leave behind dirty laundry and my friend apparently left behind an Uncrustable on his kitchen counter because lately that’s all he was having for all of his meals. He would always complain about being short, bald, and fat and that is the reason no chicks wanted to sleep with him. But he also was struggling financially make $9.50 an hour at some office job that he hated and always told me there was no way out except to die. I told him him things would get better but he didn’t believe me and told me they wouldn’t. Never got to say goodbye and that is going to haunt me forever.

Tall guys have all the luck and it’s not very fair. Dr.S

I recently went back to the tree where he surprised my butt hole

  • Permalink rape Dr.S I recently went back to the tree where an EX! good guy friend of mine entered me without telling me what he was doing. We were both drunk in a park and it was dark here in Kentucky about 3 years ago. The experience traumatized me and I have been going to therapy ever since that night because he had broken my trust. We had always said we were friends with benefits and I always told him I was exit only THERE but he did not care in the end and was very selfish in what he did to me and I have never been able to trust any guy since then. For any guy out there who says one thing and does another thing I have 3 words for you. I HATE YOU. Sneaky guys ruin everything with their ulterior motives. Dr.S ">Gallery

    I recently went back to the tree where he surprised my butt hole

Dr.S I recently went back to the tree where an EX! good guy friend of mine entered me without telling me what he was doing. We were both drunk in a park and it was dark here in Kentucky about 3 years ago. The experience traumatized me and I have been going to therapy ever since that night because he had broken my trust. We had always said we were friends with benefits and I always told him I was exit only THERE but he did not care in the end and was very selfish in what he did to me and I have never been able to trust any guy since then. For any guy out there who says one thing and does another thing I have 3 words for you. I HATE YOU.

Sneaky guys ruin everything with their ulterior motives. Dr.S

He divorced me while they were removing my right breast

  • Permalink boobless I have so much pain now. I found out my husband was cheating on me for a year and in that time I also had a mastectomy. The worst part of this story is why he decided to cheat on me with his co worker. He said that he couldn't stomach the fact that I would be losing my right breast and he told me directly that the timing was right for an affair. Instead of helping through this entire ordeal he stayed away and started spending time with this 25-year-old. We are both 41 by the way and the divorce is now final. I have recovered but sometimes out of nowhere he will text me "boobless wonder"when he is drunk because he is pissed about giving me alimony. Superficial guys are vermin. Dr.S ">Gallery

    He divorced me while they were removing my right breast

I have so much pain now. I found out my husband was cheating on me for a year and in that time I also had a mastectomy. The worst part of this story is why he decided to cheat on me with his co worker. He said that he couldn’t stomach the fact that I would be losing my right breast and he told me directly that the timing was right for an affair. Instead of helping through this entire ordeal he stayed away and started spending time with this 25-year-old. We are both 41 by the way and the divorce is now final. I have recovered but sometimes out of nowhere he will text me “boobless wonder”when he is drunk because he is pissed about giving me alimony.

Superficial guys are vermin. Dr.S

He told me he would suck a fart out of her balloon knot

  • Permalink xoxox Why are guys so disgusting? The other night I was hanging with a good guy friend of mine and we stumbled upon this pic online and my friend was like yeah I got a major boner right now and I think I need to use your bathroom. He also said he would suck a fart out of her balloon knot without asking any questions. First off you can't even see all of her face and secondly sucking a fart out of anyone's butt hole is probably the nastiest thing I've heard in my life. Most guys act out when they realize they have no chance at anything other than a slam pig. Dr.S ">Gallery

    He told me he would suck a fart out of her balloon knot

Why are guys so disgusting? The other night I was hanging with a good guy friend of mine and we stumbled upon this pic online and my friend was like yeah I got a major boner right now and I think I need to use your bathroom. He also said he would suck a fart out of her balloon knot without asking any questions. First off you can’t even see all of her face and secondly sucking a fart out of anyone’s butt hole is probably the nastiest thing I’ve heard in my life.

Most guys act out when they realize they have no chance at anything other than a slam pig. Dr.S

I stopped my friend with HIV from jumping into the Grand Canyon

  • Permalink IMAG1120 We went up to the Grand Canyon from Vegas last month. My friend has been extremely depressed lately because he recently got diagnosed with HIV. Basically he spent the last 2 years having sex without condoms with girls he met online and at bars and he also was doing tremendous amounts of blow. I knew it at the time and tried to help him and he would always tell me not to worry about it and told me it was his life. Well he was about to start a new job and had to routine physical and they gave him the awful news. At the Grand Canyon I had to talk to him for over an hour to get him away from the ledge and people were staring at us and you could tell they knew what was going on. His family doesn't even know yet and that's a huge part of why he wanted to jump to his death and he thinks that he has failed them in every way with his poor decisions. Everyone needs good friends like you in this beautiful world. Dr.S ">Gallery

    I stopped my friend with HIV from jumping into the Grand Canyon

We went up to the Grand Canyon from Vegas last month. My friend has been extremely depressed lately because he recently got diagnosed with HIV. Basically he spent the last 2 years having sex without condoms with girls he met online and at bars and he also was doing tremendous amounts of blow. I knew it at the time and tried to help him and he would always tell me not to worry about it and told me it was his life. Well he was about to start a new job and had to routine physical and they gave him the awful news. At the Grand Canyon I had to talk to him for over an hour to get him away from the ledge and people were staring at us and you could tell they knew what was going on. His family doesn’t even know yet and that’s a huge part of why he wanted to jump to his death and he thinks that he has failed them in every way with his poor decisions.

Everyone needs good friends like you in this beautiful world. Dr.S

Should I be concerned that he doesn’t drink at all?

  • Permalink drink Dr.S my friends are all telling me to be careful because I am seeing this guy who doesn't drink at all and never has. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on this one. He's hot as hell and I am lucky that he likes me actually. I like to have a few drinks and I guess I go way overboard on the weekends and I just let him take advantage of me when I do. I mean any hole is fair game basically and I'm ashamed to admit it. So do I have to worry? My friends are saying that guys who don't drink could be serial killers. Is this a stretch or some truth to it? Usually men who reject any alcohol have deep psychological problems and may be incestuous. Dr.S">Gallery

    Should I be concerned that he doesn’t drink at all?

Dr.S my friends are all telling me to be careful because I am seeing this guy who doesn’t drink at all and never has. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on this one. He’s hot as hell and I am lucky that he likes me actually. I like to have a few drinks and I guess I go way overboard on the weekends and I just let him take advantage of me when I do. I mean any hole is fair game basically and I’m ashamed to admit it. So do I have to worry? My friends are saying that guys who don’t drink could be serial killers. Is this a stretch or some truth to it?

Usually men who reject any alcohol have deep psychological problems and may be incestuous. Dr.S

My freak crapped the tent when she was on shrooms

  • Permalink shrooms We went camping last weekend and were doing shrooms in the woods and really having a great time. Well in the middle the night I was woken up first by some coyotes howling and then this nasty stench inside the tent that just came on like a wave of garbage. It was her! She crapped herself and when I shined the flashlight on her shorts I saw this huge brown stain. I haven't been able to look at her the same way since that night and she keeps asking me what's wrong and telling me she's sorry and that's never happened before. Dr.S how do I tell her it's over? Just tell her you have no tolerance for a T.C. (Tent Crapper). Dr.S ">Gallery

    My freak crapped the tent when she was on shrooms

We went camping last weekend and were doing shrooms in the woods and really having a great time. Well in the middle the night I was woken up first by some coyotes howling and then this nasty stench inside the tent that just came on like a wave of garbage. It was her! She crapped herself and when I shined the flashlight on her shorts I saw this huge brown stain. I haven’t been able to look at her the same way since that night and she keeps asking me what’s wrong and telling me she’s sorry and that’s never happened before. Dr.S how do I tell her it’s over?

Just tell her you have no tolerance for a T.C. (Tent Crapper). Dr.S

She’s miserable and doesn’t care about anything bigger than herself

  • Permalink happy My sugarbaby is miserable and my friends ask me why I put up with it. The answer is the obvious one--she's got an ass tighter than a snare drum. She constantly has a scowl across her face even when I buy her purses and shoes and take her on trips. I'm near the end of the rope with her and even suggested she go volunteer at an animal hospital or nursing home to make her feel better about herself and she told me she doesn't give a rats ass about helping anyone. I know I'm not the first dude to hang around a girl who is hot as hell and rotten inside. It just stinks. Find an average looking girl and treat her like the princess she thinks she is. Dr.S">Gallery

    She’s miserable and doesn’t care about anything bigger than herself

My sugarbaby is miserable and my friends ask me why I put up with it. The answer is the obvious one–she’s got an ass tighter than a snare drum. She constantly has a scowl across her face even when I buy her purses and shoes and take her on trips. I’m near the end of the rope with her and even suggested she go volunteer at an animal hospital or nursing home to make her feel better about herself and she told me she doesn’t give a rats ass about helping anyone. I know I’m not the first dude to hang around a girl who is hot as hell and rotten inside. It just stinks.

Find an average looking girl and treat her like the princess she thinks she is. Dr.S

She makes me take the kids out to dinner so I can smash later

  • Permalink IMG_20140826_173714_141 I met a girl on POF a few months ago. She's actually not nasty looking like most of the chicks on there. Anyway she has kids and I don't and she has this stupid rule telling me her kids are part of the package deal with her. So basically I have to take her kids out to dinner if I have any chance of smashing it later that night. I'm a typical guy so I stay around for the sex but it's getting old watching her kids have ice cream all over their faces just so I can bend her over once the kids asleep. Being part of the manipulation is like running in a Chump-A-thon. Dr.S ">Gallery

    She makes me take the kids out to dinner so I can smash later

I met a girl on POF a few months ago. She’s actually not nasty looking like most of the chicks on there. Anyway she has kids and I don’t and she has this stupid rule telling me her kids are part of the package deal with her. So basically I have to take her kids out to dinner if I have any chance of smashing it later that night. I’m a typical guy so I stay around for the sex but it’s getting old watching her kids have ice cream all over their faces just so I can bend her over once the kids asleep.

Being part of the manipulation is like running in a Chump-A-thon. Dr.S

I got roofied a few years ago and now cover my drink with a tight lid

  • Permalink IMAG2082 Some of my friends make fun of me saying it probably won't happen again. I have learned in my life to trust no one especially as a pretty girl. A few years ago I was out clubbing in Hartford and I got roofied and woke up in a strange man's bed and didn't remember a thing and he had penetrated me anally as well. I tried to press charges but it ended in a disaster. Now every time I am out at the club I use a protective lid when I have to go to the bathroom. You can't be too careful in this life and I'm disappointed in my friends who make fun of me for trying to protect myself. Getting roofied sounds worse than getting struck by lightening twice. Dr.S ">Gallery

    I got roofied a few years ago and now cover my drink with a tight lid

Some of my friends make fun of me saying it probably won’t happen again. I have learned in my life to trust no one especially as a pretty girl. A few years ago I was out clubbing in Hartford and I got roofied and woke up in a strange man’s bed and didn’t remember a thing and he had penetrated me anally as well. I tried to press charges but it ended in a disaster. Now every time I am out at the club I use a protective lid when I have to go to the bathroom. You can’t be too careful in this life and I’m disappointed in my friends who make fun of me for trying to protect myself.

Getting roofied sounds worse than getting struck by lightening twice. Dr.S

I hate when hot chicks say “Yes Please” like morons

  • Permalink boobsa I'm so sick of hot chicks saying "Yes Please." There is something about those two words that make me sick to my stomach Dr.S. I just wanted to get your opinion if you felt the same. It seems like a lot of hot chicks are saying it to get what they want these days just because they have nice boobs and a tight kitty. The guys who give into that expression are dumb chumps. Dr.S ">Gallery

    I hate when hot chicks say “Yes Please” like morons

I’m so sick of hot chicks saying “Yes Please.” There is something about those two words that make me sick to my stomach Dr.S. I just wanted to get your opinion if you felt the same. It seems like a lot of hot chicks are saying it to get what they want these days just because they have nice boobs and a tight kitty.

The guys who give into that expression are dumb chumps. Dr.S

She wouldn’t give it up so I turned blue like this lobster

  • Permalink IMG_20140826_155222_176-1 What is the normal amount of dates before a dude can stick it in? I thought 3 or 4 was normal. Well I was on my 6th date with this chick so that's like 6 meals I've paid for and drinks also. We we ended up going back to my place and long story short we were making out and stuff and when I tried to get all her clothes off to penetrate her she gave me the big NO and I had huge blue balls the rest of the night. She was like I'm still not ready and told me she wasn't sure about me. Should I continue to see her or kick her to the curb? Confused and BLUE in Ohio. Just delete her number already to restore your sanity. Dr.S ">Gallery

    She wouldn’t give it up so I turned blue like this lobster

What is the normal amount of dates before a dude can stick it in? I thought 3 or 4 was normal. Well I was on my 6th date with this chick so that’s like 6 meals I’ve paid for and drinks also. We we ended up going back to my place and long story short we were making out and stuff and when I tried to get all her clothes off to penetrate her she gave me the big NO and I had huge blue balls the rest of the night. She was like I’m still not ready and told me she wasn’t sure about me. Should I continue to see her or kick her to the curb? Confused and BLUE in Ohio.

Just delete her number already to restore your sanity. Dr.S

Should I give a part time sign twirler a chance with my hot ass?

  • Permalink forsale I was walking down Santa Monica Boulevard last week and a sign twirler stopped me in my tracks. I was actually looking down at my phone at the time on Instagram and almost knocked him over. He was pretty bold asking me straight up if I wanted to go to Applebee's some time for 2 for 20. I smiled and then continued on my way. He then yelled "I only do this part time to make ends meet baby" and I couldn't stop laughing as I continued on to my boyfriend's place. Honestly the guy was not half bad looking but I don't know if I could ever take him seriously seeing as tho he twirls a friggin sign all day long. His job doesn't define him so I would reconsider the proposal sugarplum. Dr.S ">Gallery

    Should I give a part time sign twirler a chance with my hot ass?

I was walking down Santa Monica Boulevard last week and a sign twirler stopped me in my tracks. I was actually looking down at my phone at the time on Instagram and almost knocked him over. He was pretty bold asking me straight up if I wanted to go to Applebee’s some time for 2 for 20. I smiled and then continued on my way. He then yelled “I only do this part time to make ends meet baby” and I couldn’t stop laughing as I continued on to my boyfriend’s place. Honestly the guy was not half bad looking but I don’t know if I could ever take him seriously seeing as tho he twirls a friggin sign all day long.

His job doesn’t define him so I would reconsider the proposal sugarplum. Dr.S

My friend lives in a rent controlled apartment and creams magazines

  • Permalink sticky4 Yeah this is pretty disgusting but thought it was kind of funny. My friend let's call him Timmy lives in a rent controlled area of San Francisco. Well a few days ago I went over his place to hang out with him and we had a few beers. This was the only magazine on his coffee table and when I went to thumb through it when he was taking a dump I could hardly open it. Apparently he creamed the pages and I went off on him. Timmy's almost 30 and I told him about internet porn but he has no internet because he can't afford it so this is what they do in the dark ages I guess. I hear sticky magazines are making a comeback in 2015 so it's all good. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My friend lives in a rent controlled apartment and creams magazines

Yeah this is pretty disgusting but thought it was kind of funny. My friend let’s call him Timmy lives in a rent controlled area of San Francisco. Well a few days ago I went over his place to hang out with him and we had a few beers. This was the only magazine on his coffee table and when I went to thumb through it when he was taking a dump I could hardly open it. Apparently he creamed the pages and I went off on him. Timmy’s almost 30 and I told him about internet porn but he has no internet because he can’t afford it so this is what they do in the dark ages I guess.

I hear sticky magazines are making a comeback in 2015 so it’s all good. Dr.S

When she’s off the Molly she’s pretty atrocious as a person

  • Permalink mood7 Need some help Doc. My chick is a huge MOLLY addict and I've done it a few times but not my thing really. I only put up with it because she's smoking hot--when I go out with her all the dudes around us are trying to eye bang her and I get it because all dudes are horny pricks just trying to score. She tells me she can see guys undressing her with their eyes. Anyway her mood swings are disgusting especially when she's off the MOLLY and I honestly don't know how much more I can put up with it. I think it's an imbalance of serotonin in her head or something but not sure. My friends are telling me to ditch the bitch but hey I'll be the first to admit I'm addicted to her slamming body so it's not so easy to just leave her and sit around playing X Box all day with a head set on and eating a bag of Doritos like I did before I met her. Molly is a like a hurricane whose winds never subside. Dr.S ">Gallery

    When she’s off the Molly she’s pretty atrocious as a person

Need some help Doc. My chick is a huge MOLLY addict and I’ve done it a few times but not my thing really. I only put up with it because she’s smoking hot–when I go out with her all the dudes around us are trying to eye bang her and I get it because all dudes are horny pricks just trying to score. She tells me she can see guys undressing her with their eyes. Anyway her mood swings are disgusting especially when she’s off the MOLLY and I honestly don’t know how much more I can put up with it. I think it’s an imbalance of serotonin in her head or something but not sure. My friends are telling me to ditch the bitch but hey I’ll be the first to admit I’m addicted to her slamming body so it’s not so easy to just leave her and sit around playing X Box all day with a head set on and eating a bag of Doritos like I did before I met her.

Molly is a like a hurricane whose winds never subside. Dr.S