New MOOD by Onnit

Please tell her to fix her chicken legs asap

  • Permalink chicken legsjpg Here's my friend Samantha. She thinks she has the most amazing body in the world. Always shows it off around my friends. Most of my friends ignore all of us when Samantha comes around because they think they have a chance with her and the reality is that she's pay for play actually which they don't even know because everything is hush hush these days. I am just wondering if you can tell Samantha to do something about her chicken legs. Maybe adding some fat to them would be nice to plump her up would make her more of a superstar as you like to say. She does have great grandma sticks going on and it's scary. Dr.S ">Gallery

    Please tell her to fix her chicken legs asap

Here’s my friend Samantha. She thinks she has the most amazing body in the world. Always shows it off around my friends. Most of my friends ignore all of us when Samantha comes around because they think they have a chance with her and the reality is that she’s pay for play actually which they don’t even know because everything is hush hush these days. I am just wondering if you can tell Samantha to do something about her chicken legs. Maybe adding some fat to them would be nice to plump her up would make her more of a superstar as you like to say.

She does have great grandma sticks going on and it’s scary. Dr.S

My slam pig devoured her sucker in 10 minutes flat

  • Permalink IMG_20140712_104951_320 You talk a lot of smack on here about slam pigs. Well guess what my girl is one. She's got a booty the size of stove and I love it. The thing you gotta know is that slam pigs love food just as much as regular people but they eat more of it. My girl just loves candy more than food tho. And I surprised her with this sucker. It didn't take it her long to inhale it. I mean it was gone in maybe 10 minutes and everyone at the airport was really amazed because she put it down before we boarded our flight. A slam pig's talents should always be recognized. Dr.S">Gallery

    My slam pig devoured her sucker in 10 minutes flat

You talk a lot of smack on here about slam pigs. Well guess what my girl is one. She’s got a booty the size of stove and I love it. The thing you gotta know is that slam pigs love food just as much as regular people but they eat more of it. My girl just loves candy more than food tho. And I surprised her with this sucker. It didn’t take it her long to inhale it. I mean it was gone in maybe 10 minutes and everyone at the airport was really amazed because she put it down before we boarded our flight.

A slam pig’s talents should always be recognized. Dr.S

My boyfriend was acting crazy and went after me with a spork

  • Permalink sporks Ummm yeah my boyfriend has a meth problem and I thought he had quit it for good but apparently not. There was a spork on my kitchen counter and when I was on the bed naked he penetrated me with it with the wrong end and it stung like a bitch. Nothing says surprising a woman than trying to enter her with a spork!!! I'm saddened by the spork assault and hope he gets help soon. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My boyfriend was acting crazy and went after me with a spork

Ummm yeah my boyfriend has a meth problem and I thought he had quit it for good but apparently not. There was a spork on my kitchen counter and when I was on the bed naked he penetrated me with it with the wrong end and it stung like a bitch. Nothing says surprising a woman than trying to enter her with a spork!!!

I’m saddened by the spork assault and hope he gets help soon. Dr.S

This happened after 2 Mollies and a few shots of Patron

  • Permalink 2 mollies Just put on her on blast already standing in my bathroom like a deer caught in the headlights. I already submitted her back in March and no I won't put her head shot in because she has a job and I don't want her employers whacking off to her every day she is in the copier room. She took 2 Mollies because she forgot she had already taken one and here is the end result after 3 hours. She put on my ex girlfriend's bra and you can see it doesn't even fit and was walking around my place like a jackass and dancing all over the place and almost knocked over my speaker. I think she even farted but I wasn't sure because it could have been my pug Rocko. Still a major mystery actually. Sound like it was probably Rocko but who really cares actually. Dr.S ">Gallery

    This happened after 2 Mollies and a few shots of Patron

Just put on her on blast already standing in my bathroom like a deer caught in the headlights. I already submitted her back in March and no I won’t put her head shot in because she has a job and I don’t want her employers whacking off to her every day she is in the copier room. She took 2 Mollies because she forgot she had already taken one and here is the end result after 3 hours. She put on my ex girlfriend’s bra and you can see it doesn’t even fit and was walking around my place like a jackass and dancing all over the place and almost knocked over my speaker. I think she even farted but I wasn’t sure because it could have been my pug Rocko. Still a major mystery actually.

Sound like it was probably Rocko but who really cares actually. Dr.S

I just need to know if I should deflower her or not

  • Permalink deflower Dr.S first off I'm talking about the Hershey Highway. She said she has never taken a purple headed yogurt thrower in the exit only area and I need to know if I should deflower it. I can do it Sunday night because she said that's the only time she has available. I honestly hate when chicks say they are always busy and they take pride in having a busy schedule. It's so gay plus she's not even hot as you can tell. I would just quit it before I hit it in this case. Sorry. Dr.S ">Gallery

    I just need to know if I should deflower her or not

Dr.S first off I’m talking about the Hershey Highway. She said she has never taken a purple headed yogurt thrower in the exit only area and I need to know if I should deflower it. I can do it Sunday night because she said that’s the only time she has available. I honestly hate when chicks say they are always busy and they take pride in having a busy schedule. It’s so gay plus she’s not even hot as you can tell.

I would just quit it before I hit it in this case. Sorry. Dr.S

My girlfriend is suffering from a toxic butt injection and I’m to blame

  • Permalink Captureeeejlo52-480x492 I honestly don't know what to say because it's my fault. I kept putting her down and saying your butt will never look like J.Lo's ass. I kept telling her not in a million years and I even put this pic of J.Lo as my desktop wallpaper to remind her of what she didn't have every time she went to check Facebook. Well long story short she went out and got the injections and she got stuffed with mineral oil which has done some severe damage to her cheeks and has actually collapsed her cheeks and turned her butt all purple. Again, I am the one to blame for this and I'm currently going through hell with her. I guess if you are going to put your girlfriend down it's best not to do it every friggin day like I did. She might die. Vice just did a story on this and it was so disgusting. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My girlfriend is suffering from a toxic butt injection and I’m to blame

I honestly don’t know what to say because it’s my fault. I kept putting her down and saying your butt will never look like J.Lo’s ass. I kept telling her not in a million years and I even put this pic of J.Lo as my desktop wallpaper to remind her of what she didn’t have every time she went to check Facebook. Well long story short she went out and got the injections and she got stuffed with mineral oil which has done some severe damage to her cheeks and has actually collapsed her cheeks and turned her butt all purple. Again, I am the one to blame for this and I’m currently going through hell with her. I guess if you are going to put your girlfriend down it’s best not to do it every friggin day like I did. She might die.

Vice just did a story on this and it was so disgusting. Dr.S

I just started to walk again and he went after my starfish

  • Permalink IMG_20140724_125827_896 I was in a horrible motorcycle accident back in January here in Florida. I broke both of my legs and ruptured my spleen. I was confined to a wheel chair for several months and just 2 weeks ago regained mobility. I am at about 90% I would say. I am grateful for my boyfriend for sticking with me this entire time and helping me through all of this. Well just the other night he was drinking very hard and I'm not a big drinker and he suggested to celebrate that we have anal sex. Now he knows very well that even well before the accident that when we did that I hard time walking the next day. I can't believe he had the nerve to bring that up after what I have been through. I am truly disgusted and have not spoken to him in 3 days. He's not a stand up guy if he went after your balloon knot that soon. Dr.S ">Gallery

    I just started to walk again and he went after my starfish

I was in a horrible motorcycle accident back in January here in Florida. I broke both of my legs and ruptured my spleen. I was confined to a wheel chair for several months and just 2 weeks ago regained mobility. I am at about 90% I would say. I am grateful for my boyfriend for sticking with me this entire time and helping me through all of this. Well just the other night he was drinking very hard and I’m not a big drinker and he suggested to celebrate that we have anal sex. Now he knows very well that even well before the accident that when we did that I hard time walking the next day. I can’t believe he had the nerve to bring that up after what I have been through. I am truly disgusted and have not spoken to him in 3 days.

He’s not a stand up guy if he went after your balloon knot that soon. Dr.S

My boyfriend loves his new middle finger umbrella

  • Permalink IMG_20140722_215935_520 We live in Seattle and moved here last summer and love it. If you didn't know it rains here a lot then you are a stupid moron. Anyways my boyfriend refused to carry an umbrella but I stumbled upon this online and now he carries it everywhere and won't leave home without it. If any of you basic bitches out there have a man who won't man up and carry an umbrella in the rain maybe get him this because my man changed because of it and I'm here just to pay it forward. Peace bitches! Thank you for helping a lost basic bitch. Dr.S ">Gallery

    My boyfriend loves his new middle finger umbrella

We live in Seattle and moved here last summer and love it. If you didn’t know it rains here a lot then you are a stupid moron. Anyways my boyfriend refused to carry an umbrella but I stumbled upon this online and now he carries it everywhere and won’t leave home without it. If any of you basic bitches out there have a man who won’t man up and carry an umbrella in the rain maybe get him this because my man changed because of it and I’m here just to pay it forward. Peace bitches!

Thank you for helping a lost basic bitch. Dr.S

Please tell my ex girlfriend to get a nose job asap

  • Permalink nose I don't typically do this posting crap but hey life is short. Please tell my ex to get a nose job. She always thought she was hottest thing around and acted like her you know what doesn't stink. Well I'm the first to say it did real bad. If she got a nose job I think she could be a superstar but just not for me. I've moved onto a hotter girl with even a more dope personality and that's made all the difference actually. Okay please get a nose job to launch yourself into stardom. Dr.S">Gallery

    Please tell my ex girlfriend to get a nose job asap

I don’t typically do this posting crap but hey life is short. Please tell my ex to get a nose job. She always thought she was hottest thing around and acted like her you know what doesn’t stink. Well I’m the first to say it did real bad. If she got a nose job I think she could be a superstar but just not for me. I’ve moved onto a hotter girl with even a more dope personality and that’s made all the difference actually.

Okay please get a nose job to launch yourself into stardom. Dr.S

I got booted from the gym for creeping on a hawt girl

  • Permalink IMG_20140701_184903_928 I probably shouldn't have gone to the gym after 3 vodka sodas but I did. I wanted to get in a quick workout and this was this dime piece next to me doing curls with an ass you could only dream of Dr.S. I think it was the booze talking but anyway I just turned to her and was like you look prime for the poking. She was like Excuse Me?!! And then I said it again. Well she puts down the 30 pounds or whatever it was and disappears. Like 10 minutes later the manager comes over to me and says you need to leave asap. I gave him this half ass look like WHY?!! and then told the dude I wasn't leaving and he was like I will call the cops. I then left LIKE A CHUMP and told the manager that she's just mad because I banged the crap out of her sister. Sucks that I have to see this manager every day and he won't look at me in the face. Some hawt chicks admire directness but not all of them sadly. Dr.S ">Gallery

    I got booted from the gym for creeping on a hawt girl

I probably shouldn’t have gone to the gym after 3 vodka sodas but I did. I wanted to get in a quick workout and this was this dime piece next to me doing curls with an ass you could only dream of Dr.S. I think it was the booze talking but anyway I just turned to her and was like you look prime for the poking. She was like Excuse Me?!! And then I said it again. Well she puts down the 30 pounds or whatever it was and disappears. Like 10 minutes later the manager comes over to me and says you need to leave asap. I gave him this half ass look like WHY?!! and then told the dude I wasn’t leaving and he was like I will call the cops. I then left LIKE A CHUMP and told the manager that she’s just mad because I banged the crap out of her sister. Sucks that I have to see this manager every day and he won’t look at me in the face.


Some hawt chicks admire directness but not all of them sadly. Dr.S

My boyfriend jumped off the roof and lived so I bought him donuts

  • Permalink donuts Dr.S my boyfriend jumped off the roof of his stepfather's house and lived but he broke his left leg and his right arm. Don't ask me how.  He recently lost his job and just realized that he is the father of a little boy. He slept with a girl back in 2012 and yuppers it's his.  I picked up these donuts to make him feel better as he lays in bed. What do you get a man who tries to kill himself by jumping off a roof? Donuts!  If you can't find humor in this world life totally sucks. By the way he is fan of the stinky so thank God you didn't lose a fan. I still love him with all my heart and don't plan on leaving him ever even as he recovers. Stay by this miserable bastard's side and good things will come your way. Dr.S              ">Gallery

    My boyfriend jumped off the roof and lived so I bought him donuts

Dr.S my boyfriend jumped off the roof of his stepfather’s house and lived but he broke his left leg and his right arm. Don’t ask me how.  He recently lost his job and just realized that he is the father of a little boy. He slept with a girl back in 2012 and yuppers it’s his.  I picked up these donuts to make him feel better as he lays in bed. What do you get a man who tries to kill himself by jumping off a roof? Donuts!  If you can’t find humor in this world life totally sucks. By the way he is fan of the stinky so thank God you didn’t lose a fan. I still love him with all my heart and don’t plan on leaving him ever even as he recovers.

Stay by this miserable bastard’s side and good things will come your way. Dr.S

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I walked in on my best friend railing my sister

  • Permalink IMG_20140711_195323_910 Last weekend I walked in on my best friend banging my sister and I don't know what to do about it.  My best friend has been staying with me on the couch while he looks for a job and I am just being a good guy by letting him stay with me. Well I told my friend I was going for a hike last Saturday and normally I would be gone for 3 hours but it was so hot that I only lasted an hour and had to turn around and come back home. Well when I opened the door there was an empty bottle of Jameson on the floor and I saw my 22 year old sister's ass from behind as he was mounting her. I honestly don't know what to do.  My sister screamed not because I opened the door but because she was getting pummeled.  I think my relationship is ruined with my friend and my sister told me she liked my best friend for years so she saw an opportunity and seized it. Should I tell my friend to leave? I just can't even look him in the face any more honestly. They are both complicit in the act but 2 wrongs don't make a right obviously. Dr.S      ">Gallery

    I walked in on my best friend railing my sister

Last weekend I walked in on my best friend banging my sister and I don’t know what to do about it.  My best friend has been staying with me on the couch while he looks for a job and I am just being a good guy by letting him stay with me. Well I told my friend I was going for a hike last Saturday and normally I would be gone for 3 hours but it was so hot that I only lasted an hour and had to turn around and come back home. Well when I opened the door there was an empty bottle of Jameson on the floor and I saw my 22 year old sister’s ass from behind as he was mounting her. I honestly don’t know what to do.  My sister screamed not because I opened the door but because she was getting pummeled.  I think my relationship is ruined with my friend and my sister told me she liked my best friend for years so she saw an opportunity and seized it. Should I tell my friend to leave? I just can’t even look him in the face any more honestly.

They are both complicit in the act but 2 wrongs don’t make a right obviously. Dr.S

 

 

 

Florida dude nabbed for molesting women in wave pool

  • Permalink Perry-Stiles-480x270 Dr.S I am one of your biggest fans here in Miami. Check out this dude who was arrested at Disney's Typhoon Lagoon in Lake Buena Vista for lewd conduct. Perry Stiles, 54, was allegedly caught molesting women in the wave pool when 4 chicks complained that they were touched inappropriately. I guess Stiles went after them when a huge wave went by so that was his strategy.  This really sickens me because chivalry is dead. All that bacteria and fecal matter in them wave pools makes me sick to my stomach. Dr.S  ">Gallery

    Florida dude nabbed for molesting women in wave pool

Dr.S I am one of your biggest fans here in Miami. Check out this dude who was arrested at Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon in Lake Buena Vista for lewd conduct. Perry Stiles, 54, was allegedly caught molesting women in the wave pool when 4 chicks complained that they were touched inappropriately. I guess Stiles went after them when a huge wave went by so that was his strategy.  This really sickens me because chivalry is dead.

All that bacteria and fecal matter in them wave pools makes me sick to my stomach. Dr.S

 

Do all fat girls stink?

  • Permalink 1488296_676549785760757_6637930741059804194_n Dr.S you know that fat smell people have? I was just wondering because you are the king of stink...do all fat girls stink or just some do? I just turned 21 and need to know as I get ready to mount a huge chick in my hometown here in Minnesota. She said basically I can do anything I want but I am afraid it will stink even tho she is DTF. Yes, most blubber has a mysterious odor that is universally disturbing. Dr.S  ">Gallery

    Do all fat girls stink?

Dr.S you know that fat smell people have? I was just wondering because you are the king of stink…do all fat girls stink or just some do? I just turned 21 and need to know as I get ready to mount a huge chick in my hometown here in Minnesota. She said basically I can do anything I want but I am afraid it will stink even tho she is DTF.

Yes, most blubber has a mysterious odor that is universally disturbing. Dr.S

 

My boyfriend is an award winning meter maid

  • Permalink IMG_20140719_153016_169 My man that I am screwing is a meter maid or a parking enforcement officer if you will. He actually just won an award for giving out the most citations and consistency is what the letter said. Girls like to make fun of him because of what he does but all I can tell you is that he is handsome and loves his job and that's all that matters. Why do we have to make fun of what people do for a living?  He is happy as a clam when he gets off his shift and then pounds me into next morning. I have no complaints and sometimes we role play that I have an expired meter and he punishes me with my butt plug for not putting change in the meter in a timely manner. At least he's not a speed trap pig I guess. Dr.S  ">Gallery

    My boyfriend is an award winning meter maid

My man that I am screwing is a meter maid or a parking enforcement officer if you will. He actually just won an award for giving out the most citations and consistency is what the letter said. Girls like to make fun of him because of what he does but all I can tell you is that he is handsome and loves his job and that’s all that matters. Why do we have to make fun of what people do for a living?  He is happy as a clam when he gets off his shift and then pounds me into next morning. I have no complaints and sometimes we role play that I have an expired meter and he punishes me with my butt plug for not putting change in the meter in a timely manner.

At least he’s not a speed trap pig I guess. Dr.S

 

This is the perfect summer read

  • Permalink IMG_20140719_155524_499 Dr.S this is the perfect summer read if you are away on vacation with a hottie or a slam pig. Doesn't really matter. I would get your hands on it if you can. Thank you for the recommendation. Dr.S">Gallery

    This is the perfect summer read

Dr.S this is the perfect summer read if you are away on vacation with a hottie or a slam pig. Doesn’t really matter. I would get your hands on it if you can.

Thank you for the recommendation. Dr.S

New teacher sex scandal rocking the state of Connecticut

  • Permalink danielle+watkins+stamford+teacher+arrest I know how you say you will home school your twins and I don't blame you one bit Dr.S because I would do the same if I had kids.  This new sex scandal involving an English teacher is ripped from the pages of Connecticut. I actually live in Stamford if you can believe that and may move now.  Danielle Watkins (age 32) was arrested because she was accused of having a sexual relationship with an 18 year old student and the worse part she threatened to fail him if he tried to break off the relationship.  Apparently the student told the cops he had several sexual encounters with her in her car away from the school and allegedly supplied the kid with pot also.  I guess she also sent him naked texts and allowed the kid to use her car even though he didn't have a license.  I just can't wrap my head around this one.  I am looking to move to NYC now. Her eyebrows tell me everything I need to know. Dr.S  ">Gallery

    New teacher sex scandal rocking the state of Connecticut

I know how you say you will home school your twins and I don’t blame you one bit Dr.S because I would do the same if I had kids.  This new sex scandal involving an English teacher is ripped from the pages of Connecticut. I actually live in Stamford if you can believe that and may move now.  Danielle Watkins (age 32) was arrested because she was accused of having a sexual relationship with an 18 year old student and the worse part she threatened to fail him if he tried to break off the relationship.  Apparently the student told the cops he had several sexual encounters with her in her car away from the school and allegedly supplied the kid with pot also.  I guess she also sent him naked texts and allowed the kid to use her car even though he didn’t have a license.  I just can’t wrap my head around this one.  I am looking to move to NYC now.

Her eyebrows tell me everything I need to know. Dr.S

 

Lebron probably has a hairy taint

  • Permalink IMG_20140719_191007_842-3 Dr.S I think the MJ / Lebron debate is basically over. LBJ will never be as good as Michael was and everyone knows this. By returning to Cleveland he really is showing what a fool he is and how messed up in the head he is.  Maybe it's because Lebron never went to college and that's why he makes these stupid decisions.  I am even willing to bet that Lebron has a hairy taint. Actually would put a grand on it that he does. MJ was the greatest there will ever be and I am glad I was a witness. Dr.S  ">Gallery

    Lebron probably has a hairy taint

Dr.S I think the MJ / Lebron debate is basically over. LBJ will never be as good as Michael was and everyone knows this. By returning to Cleveland he really is showing what a fool he is and how messed up in the head he is.  Maybe it’s because Lebron never went to college and that’s why he makes these stupid decisions.  I am even willing to bet that Lebron has a hairy taint. Actually would put a grand on it that he does.

MJ was the greatest there will ever be and I am glad I was a witness. Dr.S

 

I just need to know if them cheeks are too off the grid

  • Permalink bigg Dr.S I made bonus last week for the first time in months and want to treat myself. What do you think about them cheeks? Believe or not I want to hit it but my friends are saying they are way off the grid and I should pass.  Should I smash or pass? Just smash both of them and then move on. Dr.S    ">Gallery

    I just need to know if them cheeks are too off the grid

Dr.S I made bonus last week for the first time in months and want to treat myself. What do you think about them cheeks? Believe or not I want to hit it but my friends are saying they are way off the grid and I should pass.  Should I smash or pass?

Just smash both of them and then move on. Dr.S

 

 

I only look for threesomes now when I cheat on my girlfriend

  • Permalink Screen-Shotttttt-2014-07-18-at-2.48.44-PM-480x320 Dr.S I'm a cheater and don't care what anyone thinks honestly. No fucks are ever given with me. I recently joined 3nder and it's probably the best move I've made this year. You have to admit this is genius. The only thing I am worried about is landing a slam pig and if that's the case I'll run for the fences. Have a good weekend. Slam pigs use apps too so please be careful. Dr.S    ">Gallery

    I only look for threesomes now when I cheat on my girlfriend

Dr.S I’m a cheater and don’t care what anyone thinks honestly. No fucks are ever given with me. I recently joined 3nder and it’s probably the best move I’ve made this year. You have to admit this is genius. The only thing I am worried about is landing a slam pig and if that’s the case I’ll run for the fences. Have a good weekend.

Slam pigs use apps too so please be careful. Dr.S

 

 

Rocky jumped into my lap when I was cracking stick

  • Permalink IMG_20140118_220837_814 I was whacking off with door open Thursday night and I won't do that again. My poor cat Rocky jumped onto my lap when I was mid stroke and I jizzed all over poor Rocky. It was disgusting. Please put Rocky on blast for taking a leap of faith. Rocky you are one filthy bastard. Dr.S">Gallery

    Rocky jumped into my lap when I was cracking stick

I was whacking off with door open Thursday night and I won’t do that again. My poor cat Rocky jumped onto my lap when I was mid stroke and I jizzed all over poor Rocky. It was disgusting. Please put Rocky on blast for taking a leap of faith.

Rocky you are one filthy bastard. Dr.S